How not to pick up a girl.

While at a bar with some guy friends the other night, one eyed a “fat chick” and considered dancing with her for the sole purpose of impressing her hot friend. His logic was that the hot friend would think his gesture was sweet, and in turn, throw herself at the guy. (And guys say we’re the ones that play games).

This guy asked for my opinion before making his move. While I had the urge to smack him over the head because of his foolishness, I refrained and told him that this would probably not sway my decision. In truth, I might be turned off to the fact I thought he was interested in my friend, and that he didn’t have the confidence to pursue me. Also, referring to my hypothetical friend as the “fat chick” probably wouldn’t help his efforts. Needless to say, the guy did not make any attempt with either lady.

I thought about all the ineffective attempts guys have made with impressing or picking up either my friends or myself. Last weekend within a millisecond of entering a bar, a desperate male tried to pick up three of us girls at one time. “Oh I have to buy shots for all you lovely ladies.” Maybe he thought he could get three for the price of one, but it didn’t work; we denied his impulsive offer. In the same night, I also found myself a victim of one of the lamest attempts at pursuing a girl. The guy tried to swoon me with his knowledge in music, while often impressive, it does not always work—especially when you don’t know what you’re talking about. The conversation went something like this:

Dude: “This song is definitely by that guy that sings ‘We’ve Got The Funk.’”
Me: “You mean George Clinton?”
Dude: “Yea that guy.”
Me: “No, this is definitely Prince.”
Dude: “No, I don’t think so. But how about if you’re right, you have to buy me a drink.”
Me: “What? Um, that’s not even a fair bet.”
The consensus from the crowd: Prince.
And the dude walks away in shame without putting up a fight for a free drink.

It amazes me what guys will actually do to get a girl’s attention. They think one cheesy sentence to get her attention, and they’re in. My favorite corny pickup line ever used on me was a guy poetically quoting rapper Nelly, “It’s getting hot in here, [want to take] off all your clothes?”

A line that was actually used on a friend, “Do you have a boyfriend?” (No) “Can I be yours?” also failed miserably.

Then there’s the guys that honk their horn or shout from their moving car, as if we’re going to flag them down and say, “WAIT! Slow down stud, you forget to get my number!” And of course, there’s the whistle, the “woooo ooo” and the “hey baby/hottie/beautiful.” Not only are they unoriginal, but also make a guy look like a complete scumbag. A simple hello, a comment on something she’s wearing, anything seemingly genuine usually works much better.

While myself and many other females will often not hesitate to talk to a guy that they are eyeing, I must admit that we have it easy. We are the ones who get noticed, who are approached, and can turn down any attempt a guy makes. We can accept or decline an offer for a drink. We can refuse to give out a phone number. Unless you live in a place like Newcastle, England, where the women are on the ones on the prowl, snatching up any guy they want through the course of an evening, chances are that a female can stand by the bar and wait for a suitor to approach her. And that’s just another reason why I love being a girl.